Help, I've been Neutered!!!

OK, with out going into too much detail, I had a very nasty accident the other night, and it has taken me until now to get over the humiliation and own up.

Just to set the scene,...

We do not have a proper shower in this house, our ceiling in the bathroom slopes down, and makes it impossible to stand in the bath, coupled with there not being enough room to install a separate shower cubical. We do have a mixer tap on the bath with a built in shower head, and a nifty switch to decide if the water comes out of the tap, or the spray attachment. So when we use the shower, we have to kneel either over the edge of the bath to wash our hair, or in the bath for a quick rinse off. Basically, as we have a fairly large, deep bath, and there is nothing more relaxing than a nice long bath after a hard day, we tend to use the bath most of the time.

Also one of the special things I love about our relationship is we always try to make the time to wash the back and generally pamper the other person when they are in the bath. So when one of us is in the bath, the other one of us is usually up there with them, talking, and being a bath slave, attending to their every need.

So back to the point, it was one of those hot, humid days, which felt like it had lasted forever. I had spent all day doing messy stuff in the garden and felt all sticky and horrible. Eventually Suz got home from work, and after spending her day in a stuffy office, she wanted a cool refreshingly relaxing bath to unwind. I decide I will use the water after her for a quick sluice down, and remove some of the days grime from me. I tidy up in the garden, and follow Suz upstairs to wash her back, and hear all about the trials and tribulations of her day.

Being at home all day, the Ferrets had been on the go for hours inspecting every item I had touched, or done and had finally put themselves back into their favourite hidey holes for a power nap before it was time to wake back up for their early evening wrecking and crime spree. Only Munchie was awake, and for some reason he was still in hyper-drive, rushing under our feet every time we moved. As it was only him awake, and he seemed to just want to be where ever we were, I decide to let him come upstairs with us, as a treat. I opened all the doors so there is no excuse for him to interrupt us, by digging at the carpet, and left him to have blast in not only our bedroom and the office, but also that dreaded hiding place for all things never to be seen again... The spare room!!!!

We both got undressed, and went to the bathroom, where after running the bath Suz got in. Munchie has never understood humans and their fascination with baths and has to inspect this strange human game when ever he gets the chance. After all, there is a perfectly good muddy puddle by the pond if you want to cool off, of change your smell, so what is it with these humans that not only keep changing their fur colour at least a couple of times a day, but strangely seem to go pink before they can get wet. As usual, I lift him up, where he sees Suz in the bath, stuffs his nose into the bubbles till he can find the water, and after a quick check she is OK, and the water is not too hot, he bounces off sideways and backwards at the same time, mouth wide open, to explore the bedrooms.

With Munchie sorted, I get on to my knees on the floor by the bath, and lean across to get the sponge and the bath foam from the glass shelf. Whose silly idea was it, to put glass shelves right by the bath, which spend their lives getting continually wet, and covered with soap? They just never look clean. Anyway, I start a nice massage working from the shoulder blades down to Suz's lower back, enjoying all the groans coming from her, and find I am starting to feel nice and relaxed myself.

We carry on chatting about nothing, and enjoy the moment; this is what married life with the person of your dreams is all about.

Suddenly, I feel a pain like no other pain I have ever felt! This pain is coupled with a very hard tugging coming from the end an appendage that only men have. I look down to see Munchie attached via what I already know are very sharp teeth, to a part of me, no ferret has ever been near before. This was not just a playful nip, this was a case of Munchie was going to stash this thing, regardless of how hard he had to pull, or how tight he had to hang on, and being on carpet, he was getting a lot of grip.

The thing is, when you are bent over, and something touches you there, the natural reaction is to sit up straight. This I was to discover is a very bad reaction when you have 4 pounds of ferret attached to your manhood, whose claws are dug into the carpet for maximum purchase.

Luckily for me, the very loud "Munchie NOOOO" I roared (Actually bearing in mind my predicament, it was probably a high pitched squeak), coupled with my wet soapy hands making a lung at him, was enough to scare him into letting go and scarpering off to hide at very high speed. Actually it was more likely, he was so busy laughing at my new high pitched voice that made him let go, but either way, thank goodness he did let go.

Ohhh the pain... Such PAIN... real, tears in my eyes, stinging pain...

So if you will, picture the scene, me, bent over double, my crown jewels in my hand, tears stinging my eyes, looking and wondering if it will ever work again. I look up at my dear wife, who also has tears in her eyes. She is such a soul mate, she feels my pain.... NOT... hers were from laughing so much.

Eventually after she has had several tries at trying to say something, only to collapse into even more fits of laughter, the first words that she actually managed to coherently utter...

"Can we put a ring through there?"

Ohhh the utter humiliation....

Bath time just does not feel quite the same any more...